I’ve always relied on other people to love me for what I am and all my flaws. I guess that’s why I haven’t been on my own for a long long time. But as you probably guessed by my last blog post titled ‘Why I’m So Over Dating | Thank U Next’ which was an absolute hit, I received so many messages of love and support from complete strangers who totally related to everything I said and it made me feel amazing knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling that way. I have sworn off dating for the foreseeable future I am genuinely not bothered by anyone coming into my life at this point because I know in myself that I’m not ready for it. Not in the sense that I haven’t moved on from my last relationship, but because I seriously need to take some time out, focus on myself and everything I’ve got going on in the next year of my life.
I also want to love myself and every single part of me. Not in the superficial sense of self-love, just fully love myself–top to bottom, inside and out. Like in Bridget Jones, just the way I am *SWOON* I wake up every morning with a heart overflowing with gratitude for all I’m blessed with in life. I’ll eventually love myself the way I hope for someone else to love me one day. Fiercely, and unafraid to show it. But I’m learning every single day and I just pinch myself on occasions because I didn’t know it was possible to be so happy on my own. I’ve never given myself the opportunity to be, I’m the strongest believer in everything happens for a reason and I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time and I’m thankful.
I’m doing a job I adore in the most beautiful area, I have the weirdest bunch of work colleagues who make me laugh every single day and have become like my family here. I have the most wonderful friends in my life who I’m so blessed to have and who have been there every step of the way, my family are just incredible and they’re so patient with me while I learn my life lessons slowly but surely. I’m preparing for my final year at university and heading into the professional performing world, I’m just so happy I could burst.
In the process of learning to love myself, I’m discovering more about myself every day, I’ve finally found my fashion sense (you should have seen my shopping haul the other day omg I am a fashionista now), I’ve discovered new things that I like, things that I dislike and it’s actually fascinating but kind of sad that I could have found this all out a long time ago but didn’t have the courage to do it on my own. I love being in my own company, I love taking myself on little self dates to the cinema, shopping, going to adorable little cafes, going to the beach and just sitting there for hours with my headphones and a book. And for the first time in a long time I really feel like myself all over again, I feel like me BD (before dating) and I feel absolutely fucking fabulous.
I’m laughing harder, smiling more and not apologising for who I am. I’m learning to love the rolls on my tummy, my chubby little legs and my ‘spongebob’ teeth. I love my cellulite, the way my hair never quite does what I want it to. I love how I talk way too much when I’m nervous, that I can’t get out my words sometimes then babble out some random slur and when I do stupid little things all the time. I love how I’m a total weirdo and how I’m not afraid to show it. I’m loving my new found confidence. I’m embracing absolutely everything I am right now and I’m living for it, I embrace all the women that I have been because no matter how I felt about them they taught me a lesson and made me the person I am right now. And when I eventually find the person in my life who will embrace all of those things and love me unconditionally for it then I know that’ll be the person for me. But I’m still young and I have so much more I want to do and achieve before I settle down again.
Until that point, here I am, catching up with the world and telling you all I’m all good. That I love everything right now. I’m great, walking on the sunshine actually. There are more blog posts to come soon, I’m just trying to find the time around my busy work schedule to write! So bare with me gang, I will be back in full force soon enough.
Ta ta for now pals, thanks for sticking by me and for all the support and love,